“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.” Romans 12:12
Alyssa changed my life. When I first had her, it took time to adjust. I was in an awful space mentally. I prayed when things were looking grim. I prayed when she couldn’t breathe, I prayed with every new diagnosis, I prayed with every ER visit or admission. I prayed when she was fighting SO hard with no progress.
Then I realized, I’m only praying when I’m scared of losing her. And in those moments I was also angry. Angrily praying. Questioning. Resenting. God makes no mistakes. He did not make Alyssa to hurt her, He made her with hope. With intention. A strong purpose. So why couldn’t I pray for her needs during the “in between” time?
Our “in between” time is precious. I celebrate our hospital admission anniversaries. Its been just over 3 months since our last admission, a reoccurring admission due to her neurogenic bladder and her almost constant UTIs. She’s doing so great. I pray for her health. She goes to all of her therapy appointments with a little sass(and mommy loves it). She has 5 appointments a week, her awesome therapists are helping her reach milestones, use her muscles, and have fun while doing those things, and she just keeps going, never complaining in any way, shape, or form. I pray for her endurance. She has the best attitude for her journey, she is able to laugh through pain, she is able to persevere. I pray for her strength. And one day, hopefully in the far future, she may question her journey, and for that I pray for her understanding. I want her to learn and remember Romans 12:12, like I have had to teach myself. Pray in the moments of hope, the moments of uncertainty, moments of pure happiness, and moments that sadness may consume you so deeply that only God can help your heart heal.
Alyssa has taught me prayer. She has taught me that in the scary moments you can’t use anger or aggression, you HAVE to let God handle it, I can only advocate. She has taught me to be so thankful for the sleepless nights, the unending appointments, the traveling, the stress. She is my everything. She was made so beautifully, only God can do that. Only God can send an angel to Earth.
And now I know at night I need to pray to Him, and thank Him.