When I was about 23 weeks pregnant I went to an ultrasound with my mother and older sister to find out what sex my baby would be, and it was a girl! I was so excited. That day would also be the day I was told the diagnosis of my little girl. Spina bifida, hydrocephalus, cleft lip, and other abnormalities they believed to see on the ultrasound. I was devastated, depressed, and confused. I took anxiety medication the doctor prescribed that was safe for Alyssa too and I slept, for days.
Once I was feeling better and actually processing our future, I heard a song that stuck with me. Jason Mraz “I Won’t Give Up” came on the radio on my way to work. The lyrics hit home.
“When I look into your eyes
It’s like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
Well, there’s so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you’ve come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?”
The lyrics grew greater meaning after her birth. As you previously read, being in a NICU for over 5 months had become a struggle. I listened to the song on repeat most days. I would not give up, we had a future to live together. I was going to see her through to college, then move with her, mostly because I’m officially obsessed with her.
“‘Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We’ve got a lot to learn
God knows we’re worth it
No, I won’t give up”
Learning her life, learning our life together, learning to try to manage everything, and learning to give her the best. It was A LOT at one point, but then something just takes over. You just start doing everything out of love, because you’re a mother and that’s what your heart knows.
After all is said and done and Alyssa grows to be a beautiful young girl I would want her to know, above all things, God has a plan for her. I’m only here to help her succeed and I’m going to do my best for her and she will have to do the best for herself also. Never give up cupcake.
“I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up”